The Whole Ugly Story (Alien Impregnation)

[Jethro]

I've been reluctant to talk about this with anyone but my therapist, as you can well imagine, but I think it would be healthy for me to start coming out in the open more. I appreciate all of you giving me the chance to do this. And a special thanks to Gilby for providing this healing place for me.

Well, here goes. Please forgive me for being a little bit nervous about this.

This started in the spring of 1993. One night I woke up to a strange humming sound and lights outside my trailer window. Somehow, I am not sure how it happened, I was teleported onto what I am assuming to be an alien spacecraft. I don't remember much about it other than the fact that the aliens all looked like Star Jones. The next thing I remember was waking up in my bed. I was very groggy and when I showered I noticed a small incision scar in my left butt cheek. I had to strain to see it.

Shortly after that, I developed nausea that would be very intense in the morning and then pass toward lunch time. It came every day. I also developed a craving for any food that comes on a stick. I also began to gain weight. At first I assumed it was from all the food on the stick I was eating, but then one night about 3 months after, I had another visit. Same humming sound. Same glowing lights outside my trailer. Same Star Jones looking aliens. Again I don't rememer much, but when I woke the next morning, the first thing I noticed was that the nausea was gone. During my shower, I found another slightly larger incision, but this time it was on my right butt cheek. Also the cravings were gone and I seemed to have lost a significant amount of weight over night.

At this point I knew that something strange was happening, but I had absolutely no idea about what would eventually become the sordid truth.

This happened several times between the spring of 1993 and last Thursday. Every time the process was the same. A visit by the aliens. A scar on my butt-cheek. Cravings. Morning sickness. Weight gain. Sore nipples (did I mention the sore nipples before?). A few months would go by and then another visit. A new scar. Morning sickness gone. Craving gone. Weight loss.

A took me a long time to finally figure it out. What ultimately clued me in on what was happening was that as time went by, I noticed some changes in the aliens. They still looked like Star Jones, but they were getting whiter, many of them had red beards or goatees, and they were riding (albeit poorly) unicycles.

I cannot tell you the feeling I had in my gut when I realizzed that the aliens were using me and my butt cheeks to breed a new race of half Star Jones, half Jethro beings.

Well, there it is. I feel better already. In fact, I think I am beginning to feel a little bit like a proud papa.

Thanks for being there for me.

Yer Pal,
Jethro

(Sorry.This forum just needed a little something. It was boring me)

[UniBrier]

My first reaction was "unbelievable" until Google Pics found this:

[Jethro]

Originally posted by UniBrier
My first reaction was "unbelievable" until Google Pics found this:

That's one of them, man! That is what they are growing in my butt cheeks!

[johnfoss]

I hate when that happens.

[UniBrier]

To further validate Jethro's experience: I was pondering his story while showering yesterday. Out of curiosity I checked out my "other cheeks" and found some "ridges" I hadn't ever noticed before.

As most normal people can attest; one doesn't usually spend much time checking out their "other cheeks" and the simple fact is there is considerable acreage back there that can't be seen without the utililization of a mirror.

I found most unusual scars. Unlike Jethro, I have no memory of Alien abduction, I must be a sound sleeper and the aliens take advantage of the side sleeping position. It also seems they don't use the same incision area twice so the multiple incisions are planned to make a specific scar pattern which I believe is intended to communicate something.

I will spare you the photo but here is a diagram of what I found. Seems they have an affinity for unicyclists. I suggest everyone do a self-cheek-exam in the very near future. No pictures please.

[munipsycho]

I guess you need to change your handle from Jethro to the UniBunPod!

[uni57]

There are more scattered references to alien abductions/impregnations (in other threads) than there are replies in this thread.



Jethro -- I'm sorry. You were never meant to find out what my people were doing. On behalf of the beings from Youranus, I apologize. (yes, that's how we spell it)

[Jethro]

Originally posted by uni57
[B]There are more scattered references to alien abductions/impregnations (in other threads) than there are replies in this thread.

It's an epidemic.

[maestro8]

Now, I realize you are a man of strong morals and I don't want to imply anything, but...

...perhaps you shouldn't finish the _whole_ bottle of whiskey before going to bed, nor should you be watching "The View". The two are a potentially fatal combination, as you may soon discover !

Furthermore, do you know your neighbors very well? With a handheld spotlight, some ether and a turkey baster, almost anyone can do their own "alien abduction"... not that I've tried You gotta be careful in those mobile home parks, 'specially around the first of the month.

[UniBrier]

Alien Child on E-Bay. No joke!

[Jethro]

Originally posted by maestro8
Furthermore, do you know your neighbors very well?

I know them well enough to know they look nothing like Star Jones.

Originally posted by UniBrier
Alien Child on E-Bay. No joke!

That's not one of mine.

[Gilby]

Freaky... One has got to wonder why you were the chosen one.

You'd think they'd want to diversify.

[Jethro]

Originally posted by Gilby
Freaky... One has got to wonder why you were the chosen one.

Well, I am not usually one to brag, but I am guessing it was my rugged good looks and superior intellect.

(or it could be they wanted to figure out how someone could practice riding a unicycle for a year and still barely be able to freemount)

[Gilby]

Originally posted by Jethro
Well, I am not usually one to brag, but I am guessing it was my rugged good looks and superior intellect.

Hmmm... interesting... and I thought we've met each other before.