Gallery of clean jokes

[yoopers]

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffet have in common?

A: They both have curds in their "Whey".

[jagur]

clean,but shamless Bruce.

[jdkimble]

Heard this on the radio today. Sorry in advance if it is not appropriate or tasteful. I'm not always a good judge on what's funny.

Bin Laden is thinking about his life and is wondering how much longer is he going to live. So, he goes to a psychic and says, "Can you see the date of my death?" So, the psychic looks in her crystal ball and says, "Hmm.......I see something.......it looks like......yes. I see a holiday. Yep, it looks like an American holiday." Bin Laden says," I'm going to die on an American holiday? That's weird. Which holiday?" The psychic says, "Doesn't matter. When you die, it's going to be an American holiday."

[sendhair]

Did you hear the one about the patriotic Unicyclist ?

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD

[JJuggle]

I think this is clean. It is from an email that is going around called "Jewish Haiku". There are several of them but my personal favorite is:

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.

Oh, and a topical one:

Yom Kippur-- Forgive
me, Lord, for the Mercedes
and all that lobster.

Raphael Lasar
Matawan, NJ

[Sofa]

I think you'se gonna like this one!

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a
speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets
President Bush. They shake hands and the Saudi says, "You
know, I have just one question about what I have seen in
America."

President Bush says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can
do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek'
and in it there are Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never
any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why
there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi and
whispers back, "That's because it takes place in the
future...."

[sendhair]

originally posted by Sofa:

I think you'se gonna like this one!

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush.
They shake hands and the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi and whispers back, "That's because it takes place in the future...."

Well, you were wrong. How do you like this one?


The Canadian ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush.
They shake hands and the Canadian says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."

The Canadian whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never any Canucks.
He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Canucks in Star Trek."

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Canadian and whispers back, "That's because it takes place in the future...."


Get the point, Sofa?
Maybe you can take your racist jokes over to WhitePower.com or HitlerYouth.org.

Yes, everyone else, I'm aware that William Shatner is Canadian. Do I really need to make a disclaimer about the "Canadian" joke?

[Sofa]

Racist? I don't get it

[Chilliwack]

Racist? I don't get it

sendhair thinks the joke means that *you* are racist, because of the "no arabs in the future comment."
If I understood your joke correctly, it makes fun of Dubya for going after one arab country after another to destroy his imaginary axis of evil.

Caleb

[sendhair]

Oh, gee, once again, I just don't understand... well, I guess just like any other form of "entertainment", the interpretation is all in the eye of the beholder.

Whether aimed at Arabs or at the Shrub, it's not funny.

I said the joke was racist. Period. I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth, Chilliwack.

[john_childs]

Originally posted by Chilliwack


sendhair thinks the joke means that *you* are racist, because of the "no arabs in the future comment."
If I understood your joke correctly, it makes fun of Dubya for going after one arab country after another to destroy his imaginary axis of evil.

Caleb

Thanks Sofa, I liked that joke. I took it to mean that the Arabs managed to blow themselves up as suicide bombers then Sadam got nukes and finished the rest of them off.

I think I'd better attend a peace rally in Seattle tonight so I can get these racist warmonger thoughts out of my head. C-c-c-c-can't we a-a-all just g-g-g-get along?

[Sofa]

When Sendhair made the joke at the Candian's expense...I (as a Canadian) failed to see any racial dilema...But I guess that's because in the Future, I'll just be American (In the 51st state)...not dead

Is predicting the inevitable being racist? Then guilty as charged!

[jagur]

sorry Sofa,the 51st state will be Puerto Rico.

[JJuggle]

Originally posted by Sofa
I think you'se gonna like this one!

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a
speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets
President Bush. They shake hands and the Saudi says, "You
know, I have just one question about what I have seen in
America."

President Bush says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can
do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek'
and in it there are Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never
any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why
there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi and
whispers back, "That's because it takes place in the
future...."

This joke is patently offensive. That doesn't mean that some people wont appreciate it for a variety of reasons, but it is difficult for me to figure out how a joke that implies the disappearance from the face of the earth of an entire ethnic group as a result of some kind, whatever kind, of violence and suggests that this is desirable, isn't offensive and racist.

Put another way let's ask this question that I think is a fair barometer:

Would Jay Leno tell this joke? This I think is a good indication because he tells some jokes that I find pretty offensive; but I doubt very much he'd tell this one.

That this point is even a matter of debate is almost incomprehensible. If an Arab posted a joke whose implications were similar with respect to Americans he or she would almost certainly find themselves sitting in the offices of the FBI.

Raphael Lasar
Matawan, NJ

[uni_boy50]

I'm canadain, and i didn't think any of it was offensive. Auctally they were both sort of funny. My current point, is that something is wrong with us(unicyclers). I'm noticing that there are more people getting offended at something, and a bunch of posts about weather or not that was offensive then before. I mean, fine that joke could be seen as offensive, but when you think about it, the canadain one wasn't offensive. There aren't any unicyclers that i know of in star treck either, that dosn't meen that they won't exist. Unicyclers usually have a sense of humour. Lately it's been missing. I'm not hyprocrate, i'm probably more somber then usual too, but we should be able to get along. And now you've gotten me talking somber too I'm so depressed


just for the record, the 51st state will probably me puerto rico, canada will be the 52nd
cya