Daily Limerick

[Mikefule]

Keep it moderately clean, no punching, gouging or paedophilia.


There was a young man from Dumbarton
Who thought he could run like a Spartan
On the twenty fourth lap
His braces went "Snap!"
And his face turned a rare Scottish tartan.



There was a young man from Crewe
Who decided to build a canoe
But when in the river
He found with a shiver
He hadn't used waterproof glue.



There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
Though he tried day and night
To make it sound right
He said, "I think the problem is that always try to get as many words into the last line of the limerick as I possibly can."

[tobbogonist]

Proceeding a particulary strong drink
My friend stood upside down in the sink
He inhaled more water
Than a young man really outta'
and now he can no longer think


There was a man from a place with a name
who was of particular typewriter fame
he would press all the keys
as fast as you please
and all the words would still come out the same

On recieving a new mobile telephone
phillip mind was particulary blown
not only did it have
bluetooth and satnav
It also applied your cologne.

wow, they where suprisingly hard to write.

[kington99]

While Titian was mixing Rose Madder,
his model did climb up a ladder,
the position, to Titian, looked good for coition,
so he climbed up the ladder and 'ad her.

Was taught that one by my form teacher in the first year of senior school. He had to explain atleast three things in it.

[JJuggle]

I count seven limericks thus far for today alone, including three by the author of the thread who titled the thread "Daily Limerick" not, "Daily Limericks." Imagine if you subscribed to a text service, say, "A spiritual thought of the day" and got text messages constantly all day with new ones. You'd be pissed.

Space it out people.

[Triball]

This one isn't mine, but I liked it:

There once was a poet named Will,
who wandered right over a hill.
He was speechless for hours,
over some stupid flowers.
It was years before TV, but still.

[Jeremy R]

I don't know how to write a limerick,
this is a pattern with an obvious kick,
I think that this is the correct style,
although i was unsure of it for a while,
You're going to read my attempt and say ick.

[TheGreenMonster]

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
Though he tried day and night
To make it sound right
He said, "I think the problem is that always try to get as many words into the last line of the limerick as I possibly can."

that may possibly be the best limerick of all time.

[maestro8]

I count seven limericks thus far for today alone... Space it out people.

A surly ol' chap, Raphael.
For this thread, he's giving us hell.
As one would have guessed,
his post's a request,
for us to annoy him as well.

[JJuggle]

A surly ol' chap, Raphael.
For this thread, he's giving us hell.
As one would have guessed,
his post's a request,
for us to annoy him as well.
Nice one. But you annoy me without even trying.

[uni57]

I count seven limericks thus far for today alone, including three by the author of the thread who titled the thread "Daily Limerick" not, "Daily Limericks." Imagine if you subscribed to a text service, say, "A spiritual thought of the day" and got text messages constantly all day with new ones. You'd be pissed.That's the worst limerick ever. EVER.

[Into the blue]

I give it 24 hours before someone starts one with:

There was a young lady from Venus...

[uni57]

I don't know how to write a limerick,
this is a pattern with an obvious kick,
I think that this is the correct style,
although i was unsure of it for a while,
You're going to read my attempt and say ick.There once was a young lad from Boston
He would post in the forums quite often
A limerick he tried
But success was denied
He really should stick to C programmin'


Okay, I worked so hard on that, but in the end, basically nothing really rhymes. Consider this how NOT to write a limerick.

Also, a limerick should have nine syllables in lines 1, 2, and 5 and five syllables in lines 3 and 4. The nine syllable lines should rhyme and the five syllable lines should rhyme. According to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick).

[UniBrier]

I give it 24 hours before someone starts one with:

There was a young lady from Venus...How much time before someone posts one using Nantucket or Timbuktu (http://www.dirtyjokesinc.com/joke-love_jokes-1350.htm)?

[uni57]

There was a man who posts only in JC
Whose RSU post (http://www.unicyclist.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76676) unread he forsee
So he made a limerick
That was his 'gimmerick'
To get people to RSU to see

Another bad and technically incorrect limerick. This time with the unabashed purpose of sending the JC-only people to see my new thread in RSU --

Stock Photography unicycle pictures (http://www.unicyclist.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76676)

[Mikefule]

How much time before someone posts one using Nantucket or Timbuktu (http://www.dirtyjokesinc.com/joke-love_jokes-1350.htm)?

A gay man who came from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
over who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom.

[GILD]

There was a young man who went "Ahem"
That's definately not a tandem
"You're new here?", he asked
Of new riders, unmasked
That's one more of us and one less of them.

Bah, I suck at this.

[captainconcarne]

that one was somewhat ambiguous

[dan de man]

its cause your new here

its a bit of an in joke round these parts
when ever there is a "Im new her and hello" thread GILD says ,thats one more of us and one less of them

[dan de man]

the was a young man from Australia
on his arse tattoo'ed a Dahlia
the look was fine
the inking devine
but the smell,ah, that was a failure

there was a young lady named blight
who could travel muc hfaster than light
she walked out one day
with no train fare to pay
and returned the previous night

[Mikefule]

Re the above signature

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang, but a Wimpy

(John Cooper Clarke)

[BillyTheMountain]

I give it 24 hours before someone starts one with:

There was a young lady from Venus...

There was a young lady from Venus
Unicyclists all felt she'd demean us
Despite all their tricks
SHe got no kicks
___ __ __ ___ __ _____

You finish it!

[wickedbob]

There once was a man from Peru
He feel asleep in a canoe
He dream he was play with Venus

:p

[JJuggle]

There was a young lady from Venus
Unicyclists all felt she'd demean us
Despite all their tricks
SHe got no kicks
___ __ __ ___ __ _____

You finish it!
By "you" could one say that you mean us?

[net_hippy]

By "you" could one say that you mean us?

I would guess so.



This limerick is from Edward Lear's A Book of Nonsense with the accompanying illustration for this limerick:

There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'

http://www.nonsenselit.org/Lear/BoN/bon010.gif


Not the best limerick in the world, but that book is a little bit of limerick history!

[maestro8]

There was a young lady from Venus
Unicyclists all felt she'd demean us
Despite all their tricks
SHe got no kicks
___ __ __ ___ __ _____

You finish it!

Because she was into vageenus?

[Mikefule]

I give it 24 hours before someone starts one with:

There was a young lady from Venus...

There was a young lady from Venus
Whose criminal actions were heinous
She earned some bad karma
By robbing a farmer
She stole all his lambs and his weeners

[BillyTheMountain]

Because she was into vageenus?

All good limericks, but I commend you Maestro8!

[JJuggle]

A felonious fellow from Philly.
Exposed himself in the park when quite chilly.
All his fingers they froze.
Likewise each of his toes.
And the frostbite has taken his willy.

[maestro8]

A high-flying lad named Justin
was jumping from roofs with a grin
on his last drop
he came to a stop
by hitting his toes with his chin

[BillyTheMountain]

A talented lad named Benjamin
Just completed a 360 spin
His friends on Just Conversation
Were totally filled with vexation
When he PWND them by shouting I WIN!

[ninja tom]

A talented lad named Benjamin
Just completed a 360 spin
His friends on Just Conversation
Were totally filled with vexation
When he PWND them by shouting I WIN!

Paha that's great!


]There once was a lad called tom
Who wanted to play with king kong
He then got squished
And really wished
He hadn't smoked his bong.

I suck.. :(

[BillyTheMountain]

Paha that's great!


]There once was a lad called tom
Who wanted to play with king kong
He then got squished
And really wished
He hadn't smoked his bong.

I suck.. :(

Tom,

Not bad, and it inspired this:

A lad named Tommy Chong
Was wrestling with King Kong
When he got squished
He totally wished
He could have one more hit on his bong!

PS Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong did 9 months in Federal Prison for selling a bong to someone in Pennsylania. Now they are touring comedy oncerts

[JJuggle]

PS Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong did 9 months in Federal Prison for selling a bong to someone in Pennsylania. Now they are touring comedy oncerts
I'm going to guess that they're still not funny. The 9 months was lenient I'd say.

[BillyTheMountain]

I'm going to guess that they're still not funny. The 9 months was lenient I'd say.

You would. You live in Matawan, the famous prison town, and you and all your family and friends have made their livelihood of keeping bong sellers and joint smokers incarcerated for 20 years under the Rockefeller Drug Laws.

A man named Rafael
Thought potheads should go to hell
[you finish it]

[UniBrier]

...You live in Matawan, the famous prison town, and you and all your family and friends have made their livelihood of keeping bong sellers and joint smokers incarcerated...

A man named Rafael
Thought potheads should go to hell
[you finish it]A man named Matawan Rafael
Thought potheads should all go to hell
He made the a decision
To sent them to prison
But the chaplain saved their souls as well

[ninja tom]

You would. You live in Matawan, the famous prison town, and you and all your family and friends have made their livelihood of keeping bong sellers and joint smokers incarcerated for 20 years under the Rockefeller Drug Laws.

A man named Rafael
Thought potheads should go to hell
[you finish it]


A man named Rafael
Thought potheads should go to hell
he tried just a bit
took another hit
and now he's addicted aswell

that was crap

[JJuggle]

There once was a man named Lasar
Who with grace took insults from afar
But he did have to sigh
as he asked them all why
Can't you at least spell my fucking first name right?

[BillyTheMountain]

Rafael "Matawan" Lasar
Sidled on up to the bar
but when he drank gin
it made his head spin
and then he threw up in his car!

Har Har Har

[BillyTheMountain]

Rafael "Matawan" Lasar
Loved his unicycle more than his car

[You finish it]

[ninja tom]

There once was a lad called Billy
Who thought that Raphael was silly
He wrote a rhyme
Just in time
Now we havn't got one about your willy

How many syllable's need to to in the first and last?

[UniBrier]

how many syllable's need to to in the first and last?8
8
6
6
8

[JJuggle]

A mountain named Billy, a punk.
Was told by his wife, a cute trunk.
That the evidence coniferous,
And she being deciduous,
Means that their marriage is sunk.

[UniBrier]

A mountain named Billy, a punk...Brilliant!

[ninja tom]

there once was a man called Brier
Who decided to drink lots of beer
he got really pissed
and then he missed
the birthday of his wife this year.

[Borges]

A felonious fellow from Philly.
Exposed himself in the park when quite chilly.
All his fingers they froze.
Likewise each of his toes.
And the frostbite has taken his willy.

A man had his pants 'round his knees on
the chilliest day of the season.
He didn't recover
completely as lover
for the above-mentioned reason.

[BillyTheMountain]

Brilliant!

If you knew my wife, Ethel The Tree, you'd know how brilliant!

[BillyTheMountain]

Raphael Lasar the big dick
Fancied he'd write a lim'rick
For BillyTheMountain
Inspired a great fountain
But Raphael only wrote schtick

[BillyTheMountain]

http://rictornorton.co.uk/limerick.htm

[JJuggle]

A schtick done by Mr Lasar
Is amusement that goes very far.
BTM's self serving words,
are just sad dried up turds.
And merit hardly a muted guffaw.

[uni57]

the big dickHaven't we crossed a line here?

Playful bantering? Genuine animosity? It's hard to read sometimes. I'm trying to interpret this in context (punk vs. dick), but I still think it goes too far.

Are you upset because Raphael PWNd you straight to hell a few posts back with his brilliant limerick?

[JJuggle]

Haven't we crossed a line here?

Playful bantering? Genuine animosity? It's hard to read sometimes. I'm trying to interpret this in context (punk vs. dick), but I still think it goes too far.

Are you upset because Raphael PWNd you straight to hell a few posts back with his brilliant limerick?
Dave, I too was a bit shocked when I saw Billy's rhyme. But remember, limericks are a process and if you reverse engineer the thinking, Billy probably came up with "lim'rick" first and then had to find a rhyme. What's more obvious? I'd even be willing to bet the line gave him pause, but then got the better of him.

Like Billy's personal hero, though on a vastly more limited basis, I will accept responsibility for Billy's actions, though I do appreciate your kind words.

And in the end you know, as do Billy and I, that his persistence will get the better of me and eventually it will be me who yields.

[Borges]

Haven't we crossed a line here?

Playful bantering? Genuine animosity? It's hard to read sometimes. I'm trying to interpret this in context (punk vs. dick), but I still think it goes too far.

Are you upset because Raphael PWNd you straight to hell a few posts back with his brilliant limerick?

While angry, while drunk or while stoned
your posting is better postponed.
No reason to bother.
One way or another
you'll always end up getting PWNd.

[BillyTheMountain]

every body part represents the beauty of creation, so my name for Raphael was actually a complement.

But raphael was bad when he called me a Punk: A prostitute; (19th century, rare) The bottom in a male-male sexual relationship; a catamite; A male used for sex by larger or stronger inmates.
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/punk


The Dicks are an American punk rock band considered influential in introducing the sound of hardcore punk, particularly in their home state of ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dicks

Another term for the penis.
www.sexoteric.com/dix/D

[BillyTheMountain]

Haven't we crossed a line here?

Playful bantering? Genuine animosity? It's hard to read sometimes. I'm trying to interpret this in context (punk vs. dick), but I still think it goes too far.

Are you upset because Raphael PWNd you straight to hell a few posts back with his brilliant limerick?

Dave is now the big weenie
For calling Billy a meanie
For not the word weenie but only dick
rhymes to make my limerick
so eat your linguine you big tetrazine!

Dave Lowell's a bit nutz
Scolding Billy for calling Raf'l a putz
It took nuts and a putz
to produce all us mutts
So please stop acting like butts!

[uni57]

Dave is now the big weenie
For calling Billy a meanieOOooOOo. You pwnd me AGAIN!

OOooo. Good one!

A man named BillyTheMountain
Tends to spout off like a fountain
He never holds back
It's like he's on crack
He likes to get under your skin

[GILD]

My power of permanent ignore
Is the best weapon against the bore
No matter the mood that I'm in
I know that I c'n
Banish from my screen the post-whore

[BillyTheMountain]

My power of permanent ignore
Is the best weapon against the bore
No matter the mood that I'm in
I know that I c'n
Banish from my screen the post-whore

I believe it was Dave Lowell who said it best, so I will quote him:

OOooOOo. You pwnd me!

OOooo. Good one!

[BillyTheMountain]

your such an *ss you quere f**k you

I added the * to soften the effect, but this kind of talk seems to me harder than calling someone a Dick (meaning they are a member of the punk band "The Dicks").

[UniBrier]

Maybe we should all ramp down the potty talk some.

Beavis The Mountain, who said dick
Sensitivities certainly did prick
Seems the over familiarity
Of many with vulgarity
Makes the doo around here deep and thick

[BillyTheMountain]

Maybe we should all ramp down the potty talk some.

Beavis The Mountain, who said dick
Sensitivities certainly did prick
Seems the over familiarity
Of many with vulgarity
Makes the doo around here deep and thick

OMG!! He said PRICK!!!

OMG!! That's not allowed here, is it?!

If we allow this, soon he'll be calling you a doo-doo head!

[tumbles]

The unicycle is what I ride
Around I go with great pride
more often than not
when riding alot
I hit my nuts and fall down to cry

:p

[ninja tom]

The unicycle is what I ride
Around I go with great pride
more often than not
when riding alot
I hit my nuts and fall down to cry

:p

Haha!
I did one for my friend's birthday card..

The once was a girl, Harriet
to hell she rode a chariot
when she got there
she killed the mare
so she had to carry it

[BillyTheMountain]

The unicycle is what I ride
Around I go with great pride
more often than not
when riding alot
I hit my nuts and fall down to cry

:p

OMG!! He said N*TS!!!

OMG!! That's not allowed here, is it?!

If we allow this, soon he'll be calling you a doo-doo head!

[JJuggle]

A uni dot commer named Billy,
Was posting incredibly silly.
Let this be your reminder,
Check your day planning binder,
And take your anti-psychotical pilly.

[cathwood]

I doesn't really belong in this thread because it's not a limerick, nor is it about BTM, in fact it is one of my favourite poems from the poem books I used to read to my kids:

Yesterday my cousin Jane
Said she was an aeroplane,
But I wanted further proof,
So I pushed her off the roof.

[Into the blue]

I doesn't really belong in this thread because it's not a limerick, nor is it about BTM, in fact it is one of my favourite poems from the poem books I used to read to my kids:

Yesterday my cousin Jane
Said she was an aeroplane,
But I wanted further proof,
So I pushed her off the roof.

Love it.
Reminds me of Spike Milligan's poetry.

[BillyTheMountain]

Love it.
Reminds me of Spike Milligan's poetry.

Ugh! Me like too!

A Hebrew named Raphael
Prized this teaching of Rabbi Hillel
Love yourself and your neighbor just the same
Set aside this lame blame game
Now let's all drink to Elie Weisel

[BillyTheMountain]

A tatoo-d man named Raphael Lazar
Drank too much whiskey at the bar
His brain turned to toast
As revealed by his post
But in my eyes he remains a star!

[UniBrier]

OMG!! He said PRICK!!!I left that door so wide open that I would have been sorely disappointed if you hadn't walked right through it.

If you had said in true B & B-Head speak : "Heh, Heh, He said PRICK!!!" you would have pwnd. But you didn't.

[JJuggle]

A UW rider from Brooklyn,
Deftly argued solutions win-win.
Not content to quote Jesus,
By the scruff he would sieze us,
and accept to himself all our sin.

[BillyTheMountain]

A UW rider from Brooklyn,
Deftly argued solutions win-win.
Not content to quote Jesus,
By the scruff he would sieze us,
and accept to himself all our sin.

Nice comeback: Fight cotton balls with cotton balls!