Paul D. Bird
1996-03-28, 05:02 AM
FOUR IN A ROW SAID THE CROCIDILE TO THE HUNTIING DOG
In the far off land of Santo Dinpo there was a man by the name of Captain
Mongolia. He was a rightous lad who's only great pleasure came from waiting for
his beard to grow after he had shaved. Many took a delighted pleasure in
taunting the Captain and ramming he with their helmets. Although he was tolerant
at first he soon was to discover that he hated all man kind, including the
beloved Ted Coppel. We join the young captain on his sixteenth birthday in his
home on Mt. Pennesnsula.
The day had been good for Captain Mongolia, he had recieved eight gifts
from himself since he had no relatives. He was born from a freak
accident between a computer and a tank of walrus saliva. He did not know
this however, because his father the walrus saliva had died during the
Captain's inauguration as head of the freak department at the University
of Montreal. So as CM (Captain Mongolia) went to bed that night he
thought of his parents. He had never known them, but he imagined that
they were powerful and famous and that he was alone because of the
mardardom for the nucular holocaust. Little did CM know just how right
he was. When CM awoke in the morning he reeked from wetting himself and
there was a taunting party gathered outside his house. "It was going to
be another bad day," thought CM as he stepped outside to let the
taunting comense. After being rammed especially hard by a young man, CM
fell to the ground in exasperation, and shut his eyes. No sooner had he
done this then he saw his father the Walrus saliva! CM was dissapointed
to find out that his father was only saliva. Surprized he was to see his
dad clad in costly apparell and a crown of capricorns on his brow. His
father told CM of his life story. He spoke of how he had been a great
king over his people, but soon bad people came to his people. The bad
people were not kind to his people and made his people work for even
more bad people and then the good people died leaving only the bad
people and the bad people's friends who were the even worse people. The
great king was sad to see his people die. So he set out to find a way to
kill the bad people and the bad people's friends. The bad people's
friends were so bad however that they were able to enchant King Walrus
Saliva's computer as he scaned the Internet for plastic explosives. They
made computer give off radiation so that it,was as if it were alive and
then it exploded. CM 's father then finished by explaining that the
explosion combined with radiation had created him and that the bad
people's friends plan had backfired. Because CM was now the rightful
king of Mt. Pinnensula and that he should go and reclaim his kingdom
from the bad people. His father then gave CM some powers that he could
use: 1. He made Captain Mongolia so that he was no longer a plum retard.
2. He gave the Captain a rock made of stone. 3. Nothing, the walrus
forgot to bring the third item. And with that his father bade him
farewell and vanished as the saliva sank into the dry ground. CM then
relized he had been looking at his own saliva and his stunned brain had
dreamed the whole thing. He knew this because he still was a rotten
retard. CM got up and went inside. He fummed all day about the beating
he had recieved and how he wished his dream had been real. He suddenly
felt a rush of anger and he rammed his forehead into his elbow. He then
relized how good it felt to lash out and to inflict pain, he could only
imagine how it would feel to do it to someone else. So he ran out side
and smasbed a dog with his forehead and then smashed his head in with
the rock made of stone that his father gave him in his imaginary dream.
He then relized that his vision had been real but he did not care, he
now wanted nothing but to destroy the world with his pimply forehead. As
CM made his way from house to house smashing things, he was soon joined
by others he wished to help in the quest. He was joined by a tornado, a
carriage with four wizards inside, and a wooly mammoth. They traveled
together through thick and thin fowr- fourty-five minutes and then the
Wizards killed the tornado, Captain Mongolia, and the wolly mammoth. It
was then completely the Wizards and their carriage to take over the
world and carry out the wishes of their friends they had just killed. So
they headed south over a mountain of chairs in their living room and
entered the land of Licemup. There they were challenged twice by modern
technology and the were killed both times. As a bank worker pulled their
charred bodies out of the school yard he remarked, "this was the worst
attempt to take over the world I have ever seen,". The man was right,
the the events that transpired were recorded as the most lame attempt at
world domination ever.
BASED ON A TRUE STORY
Written by The National Association for the Advancement of Captain Mongolia.
(c)1996 ReTran. Corp Written By Danny Jones. CM's first adventure comments to:
pbird01@mail.orion.org
In the far off land of Santo Dinpo there was a man by the name of Captain
Mongolia. He was a rightous lad who's only great pleasure came from waiting for
his beard to grow after he had shaved. Many took a delighted pleasure in
taunting the Captain and ramming he with their helmets. Although he was tolerant
at first he soon was to discover that he hated all man kind, including the
beloved Ted Coppel. We join the young captain on his sixteenth birthday in his
home on Mt. Pennesnsula.
The day had been good for Captain Mongolia, he had recieved eight gifts
from himself since he had no relatives. He was born from a freak
accident between a computer and a tank of walrus saliva. He did not know
this however, because his father the walrus saliva had died during the
Captain's inauguration as head of the freak department at the University
of Montreal. So as CM (Captain Mongolia) went to bed that night he
thought of his parents. He had never known them, but he imagined that
they were powerful and famous and that he was alone because of the
mardardom for the nucular holocaust. Little did CM know just how right
he was. When CM awoke in the morning he reeked from wetting himself and
there was a taunting party gathered outside his house. "It was going to
be another bad day," thought CM as he stepped outside to let the
taunting comense. After being rammed especially hard by a young man, CM
fell to the ground in exasperation, and shut his eyes. No sooner had he
done this then he saw his father the Walrus saliva! CM was dissapointed
to find out that his father was only saliva. Surprized he was to see his
dad clad in costly apparell and a crown of capricorns on his brow. His
father told CM of his life story. He spoke of how he had been a great
king over his people, but soon bad people came to his people. The bad
people were not kind to his people and made his people work for even
more bad people and then the good people died leaving only the bad
people and the bad people's friends who were the even worse people. The
great king was sad to see his people die. So he set out to find a way to
kill the bad people and the bad people's friends. The bad people's
friends were so bad however that they were able to enchant King Walrus
Saliva's computer as he scaned the Internet for plastic explosives. They
made computer give off radiation so that it,was as if it were alive and
then it exploded. CM 's father then finished by explaining that the
explosion combined with radiation had created him and that the bad
people's friends plan had backfired. Because CM was now the rightful
king of Mt. Pinnensula and that he should go and reclaim his kingdom
from the bad people. His father then gave CM some powers that he could
use: 1. He made Captain Mongolia so that he was no longer a plum retard.
2. He gave the Captain a rock made of stone. 3. Nothing, the walrus
forgot to bring the third item. And with that his father bade him
farewell and vanished as the saliva sank into the dry ground. CM then
relized he had been looking at his own saliva and his stunned brain had
dreamed the whole thing. He knew this because he still was a rotten
retard. CM got up and went inside. He fummed all day about the beating
he had recieved and how he wished his dream had been real. He suddenly
felt a rush of anger and he rammed his forehead into his elbow. He then
relized how good it felt to lash out and to inflict pain, he could only
imagine how it would feel to do it to someone else. So he ran out side
and smasbed a dog with his forehead and then smashed his head in with
the rock made of stone that his father gave him in his imaginary dream.
He then relized that his vision had been real but he did not care, he
now wanted nothing but to destroy the world with his pimply forehead. As
CM made his way from house to house smashing things, he was soon joined
by others he wished to help in the quest. He was joined by a tornado, a
carriage with four wizards inside, and a wooly mammoth. They traveled
together through thick and thin fowr- fourty-five minutes and then the
Wizards killed the tornado, Captain Mongolia, and the wolly mammoth. It
was then completely the Wizards and their carriage to take over the
world and carry out the wishes of their friends they had just killed. So
they headed south over a mountain of chairs in their living room and
entered the land of Licemup. There they were challenged twice by modern
technology and the were killed both times. As a bank worker pulled their
charred bodies out of the school yard he remarked, "this was the worst
attempt to take over the world I have ever seen,". The man was right,
the the events that transpired were recorded as the most lame attempt at
world domination ever.
BASED ON A TRUE STORY
Written by The National Association for the Advancement of Captain Mongolia.
(c)1996 ReTran. Corp Written By Danny Jones. CM's first adventure comments to:
pbird01@mail.orion.org