Mom is on strike.

[podzol]

I have had enough of a Mother's burden with no gratitude or appreciation in response.

I have gone on strike.

No more cooking, laundry, shoe tying, and bed time stories until I feel loved and appreciated. Bear is in shock. he made cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner, now he is out of milk. He'll have to give me a dollar if he wants me to buy more. he he he...

I warn you guys, before she goes on strike, tell your mom you love her, like her cooking, and offer to fold a load of laundry! Say please and thank you a few extra times, too!

He needs to keep his room clean and make me feel appreciated to have me back. I am driving a hard but necessary bargain.

[Matt_V]

My mom has told me that she was gonna do that numerous times, but she never acually does.

I don't think it would really be that bad because a lot of the time I wish she would just let me make my own dinner anyways. And it would probably be good for me to learn how to do laundry.

[podzol]

Doing laundry isn't really that bad. Just offer to do it. It's nice to fold it when it's warm from the dryer. My beagle always likes to sit on the warm pile of clothes and towels, so I have company.

It'd probably make your mom happy to have your help!

[dan de man]

I warn you guys, before she goes on strike, tell your mom you love her, like her cooking, and offer to fold a load of laundry! Say please and thank you a few extra times, too!

He needs to keep his room clean and make me feel appreciated to have me back. I am driving a hard but necessary bargain.
I already do

[podzol]

I already do

good son. You will go far and make your Mom feel happy. If I was your mom, I'd make certain you had proper unicycles.

[dan de man]

I wish

my mom is under a lot of stress cause I know my mom and dad are staying togther for me ,so thats why I do all that stuff, take a load off mum

I just wish they would get a divorce and be done with the arguments.

[podzol]

I wish

my mom is under a lot of stress cause I know my mom and dad are staying togther for me ,so thats why I do all that stuff, take a load off mum

I just wish they would get a divorce and be done with the arguments.

:(
Hang in there. Sounds rough.

[dan de man]

you bet

[monkeyman]

I feel for you, Dan...don't worry though, it should all work out in the end.

My beagle always likes to sit on the warm pile of clothes and towels, so I have company.
So much for the clean clothes.


I'm pretty sure I treat my mom well. I sure hope I do. I do my laundry, and help out around the house (granted, I'm pretty much made to do chores). I'm appreciative, though, and I try not to ask for much in the way of favors.

[podzol]

okay, then: unicycles for you, too!

[James_Potter]

Hahaha, you're an awesome mom :D

[habbywall]

Carefull, if he learns to become to independent he won't need you anymore.
Also, make sure he knows that he needs to wear clean clothes, as he probably doesn't see anything wrong with wearing dirty ones.
Make sure you at least supervise him while he's doing the laundry because if he spills the whole container on the floor it will be a big mess.

[Ducttape]

you don't need to do laundry! you can get 4 WHOLE days out of a single pair of underwear..... wearing it normal then backwards then inside-out then inside-out and backwards and until your clothes stink there is no reason to do laundry....... Just kidding although I do wear a certain set of clothing untill it smells and then move on I also wear shorts all year long. so I wouldn't take any advice from me on personal hygiene. enough about that and I'll get back on subject.... I try to be nice but being a teenager means that I well don't do a very good job stereotypically and well I'm one of the people who ALMOST fits the stereotype...... I'm nice and apreciative most of the time though.....

[saskatchewanian]

When i lived at home i used to cook supper twice a week when both my parents would work late, poop-scoop in the back yard, fix random things around the house etc. but it has been five years since i have lived at home and it is always a little weird going back and not knowing what to do. I feel like i am not pulling my own weight when i go home now and i don't like that feeling. Tomorrow i am getting surgery on my shoulder and my parents are coming to the city then bringing me back home so i will be home for a while while i heal. I fear that i will be even less helpful at home with a healing shoulder than i have been for the last few years.

Wow i have gotten a bit off topic. Anyway I don't think i have been at home for more than a few days at a time in the last three or four years due to the feeling that i am being more of a burden than a help when i go home (although i am sure my mom would want me to visit more often).

Im probably going to be at home for most of a week and i hope I can pull my weight while i heal.

podzol: I hope your son leans his lesson soon and gives you the appreciation that you deserve.

[Unibugg]

I have had enough of a Mother's burden with no gratitude or appreciation in response.

I have gone on strike.

Hang in there.. once you've started .. stick with it. I did this once.. was one of the hardest things I did as a mother. The hardest part was acting as if I didn't really notice that things weren't getting done. I honestly think it was harder on me than it was on my family.

But soon everyone came around and it worked out.
:p

Can I have a uni too?

[Hazmat]

My mum works alot, so i would most likely be helping my grandma around the house. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Then when that is all done, i'd go unicycling. :D

[maestro8]

Conversely, I went on strike from my parents a while back.

They had been using me as a personal support technician, calling me any time their Internet connection had a hiccup or their boss couldn't get PCAnywhere to dial into their office computer or a coworker wanted to install a router in their home, etc. etc. etc.

At first I charged them a cut rate (I was an independent contractor at the time), then I started charging them full rate, then I upped my rates... and they still paid... until I had one too many voicemails from mom.

Problem is, if I didn't turn their requests around in 24-48 hours she'd start harassing me... and it was for nickel-and-dime work, where I had other clients who had weeks of work lined up for me. On top of that I was taking night classes and I had homework to do. Gaah!

I finally referred them to another support service and that was the last I'd heard of that.

Lesson learned: don't mix business and family.

P.S. Blake, you're doing an honorable thing. Bear is getting a perspective on life some people never get.

[GILD]

I can remember my mom doing something simmilar.
To spite her I learnt to do laundry, cook and clean.
I sure showed her.

[podzol]

I can remember my mom doing something simmilar.
To spite her I learnt to do laundry, cook and clean.
I sure showed her.

lol...

Hey folks,
All your replies are great. I am surfing while Bear is late for school. He paid me $0.75 for the raw materials for breakfast and school snack, which he is now finished preparing. I slept in an hour.

Habby wall, you will make a very conservative mother someday...

The idea of Bear becoming independent? Well, that's the idea of raising a child, right? I left the house at 16 and had some good adventures.

He's a ways from t hat but he made several excuses to say please and thankyou this morning, so maybe there is change in the waters.

[thejdw]

be nice :(

[wobbling bear]

I
No more cooking, laundry, shoe tying, and bed time stories until I feel loved and appreciated. Bear is in shock.
hey wait a minute:
- cooking is a tradition transmitted from father to son ! so it should not be your job! (true in my family: transmitted from big bear to bear cub)
- shoe tying is an important skill with spatial recognition so it should be performed by the shoe owner.
- laundry is just a stupid thing : a robot should be in charge.
- bed time story is too important a thing to be abandonned whatever the circumstances. it enhances imagination (and probably behaviour).

[podzol]

hey wait a minute:
- cooking is a tradition transmitted from father to son ! so it should not be your job! (true in my family: transmitted from big bear to bear cub)

Unfortunatley, there is no "Papa Bear" active in Bear's life, not all families are so fortunate.

- shoe tying is an important skill with spatial recognition so it should be performed by the shoe owner.

I agree... He can tie his own shoes, the trouble arises with generating a knot when untying them.I am the cheif knot picker no more.

- laundry is just a stupid thing : a robot should be in charge.

Yep.

- bed time story is too important a thing to be abandonned whatever the circumstances. it enhances imagination (and probably behaviour).

I agree, we have read Harry Potter 1-5 all since October. Story usually takes an hour at our house. He is reading his own stories for a while and he'll learn to thank me for going hoarse each night as a result.



So I guess I agree with most of what you say, but I also am at my wit's end. I won't be treated like and old shoe by an 8-year old.

[Into the blue]

Sounds like someone needs some pampering and quality time soaking in the bath with lady scented stuff.
Tell you what, I'll look after Bear for a week.
Just pop him in a box and air mail him to Wales.
He'll love it!

Don't forget to poke air holes in the box.

[cathwood]

I think you're expecting too much, looking for apprectiation from an 8 year old. I feel my daughters did not 'appreciate' me until they were about 20. I think they wont appreciate fully the decisions I made until they have thier own children.

However - respectful behaviour and mutual help is a totally different thing. I remeber telling my daughters a couple of times that as a mother I was only actually required to do a minimum for them, the rest was done because I was nice. But I was only going to be nice to them as long as they were nice to me. I made it quite clear that it was a deal - I would cook and clean, give them pocket money etc, but they had to do stuff to in return - some housework, speak to me nicely and so on.

[podzol]

I think you're expecting too much, looking for apprectiation from an 8 year old. I feel my daughters did not 'appreciate' me until they were about 20.


Darn... I may have to wait a long time if this is the case!


However - respectful behaviour and mutual help is a totally different thing.

I think this is really what I am hoping for.

[tobbogonist]

hehe, my mother used to threaten this about once a week. my brother and i both new it was a very hollow threat. I remmember once she did not make us dinner, we just made it and it was nice :)

[tobbogonist]

But i tell her i love her,

Lots.

[t-bird]

My mom always disdained my dad, and often threatened to strike given the lack of support around housework etc from us kids. They separated once briefly, but I think she missed having someone around that she could comfortably disdain. They stayed together miserably till now. Now all us kids are trying to help them move from their house into a place for elderly people who need to have community, services, etc. around them, and all my mom can say is she wants to live separately from him - how yucky is all this?! :eek:
so... the lesson is - go on strike, get divorced, do whatever, but get happy and make sure the chapters of life get better, not more disgusting!
T-bird

[mrwhitechristmas]

From reading this thread it sounds like your kids are like 5. How are they supposed to do anything? Just calmdown. _||||

[monkeyman]

Geez Cathwood, you went and changed your avatar. I didn't know who you were anymore.

be nice
She is. Even if Bear doesn't recognize it now, he'll have learned something from this, and I doubt he'll ever forget it. Is it really so mean to teach appreciation to a child?

You go Blake.

[wickedbob]

Good thing I do all my laundry and cook for myself... also clean my mom can't really do much anyways becasue of her leg so I have to do it.... Not that I mind..

[podzol]

Bear and I have actually had a good day. He's friendly and very willing to do these things. His reaction has been kind of like this:

Wow, Mom, it takes a long time to do the dishes!

You make better snacks, Mom.

When I offered to make him dinner in exchange for some extra chores, he looked happy and relieved.

It seems he is beginning to recognize that I provide good things for him.

That's the point, it's not a punishment, just a way to bring home the fact that I provide a lot of things beyond the minimum. He's not suffering and we are not being unpleasant to one another. I think it is a lesson he will remember.

Neither is he complaining about cleaning his room.

[Jerrick]

We love you, mom.

[GILD]

This reminds me of the story of a farmer who sells a donkey to his new neighbour.
He assures him that the donkey is incredibly obedient and that you only ever have to give him a voice-command once and the donkey will 'GET UP', 'WALK', 'STOP', and so on.
No hitting or beating required.
The new owner is very happy with his purchase and looks forward to using the donkey to help him build up his new farm.

The next morning he walks up to the donkey and says 'GET UP'.
The donkey doesn't even blink and eye or turn an ear, he just continues lying there.
The new owner tries everything, from fresh treats to gently pushing the donkey but it's all to no avail.
Eventually he phones the seller and complains bitterly.
"Just wait there", his neighbour tells him, "I'll be there in a minute".
The previous owner comes over, looks at the donkey, picks up a shovel, swings it and smacks the donkey a cracking blow against the side of the head.
"GET UP" he orders.
The donkey gets up.

The new owner is outraged.
"But you told me he would respond to voice-commands, no hitting or beating required!!"
"Sure", says the neighbour, "you've just got to get his attention first."

That's what this seems to be, just getting Bear's attention.

How's he doing on the uni, by the way?

[wobbling bear]

Unfortunatley, there is no "Papa Bear" active in Bear's life, not all families are so fortunate.
a very common occurence here so nothing to be afraid of but nonetheless I suggest trying to find different other role models . Mom is one, but different people (from the nearby tribes) could play different roles.
hunting/cooking role may be played by uncle/granPa/friend/neighbor and so on for other roles.
for sure Mom is unique (but by being unique could be subject to other whimsies of Bear's mood -which are normal up to a point-)

BTW : cultural principles differ but I disapprove of the money for services point of view (may be that's why I am a very bad businessman :rolleyes: ).

[Unibugg]

BTW : cultural principles differ but I disapprove of the money for services point of view

+1

[Borges]

BTW : cultural principles differ but I disapprove of the money for services point of view (may be that's why I am a very bad businessman :rolleyes: ).
If I was Bear I would be disapprove of it too right now :)



And by the way a good quote:
"I dedicate this book to my husband and children, with who's loving help and support it would have been done a long time ago".

I can't remember where it's from, and google can't either :(

[podzol]

His unicycle riding is coming along. We had a blast trying to play unicycle hockey last week. He's riding all around on the dirt, over roots, off curbs.

He is recently enrolled in a Big Brother/big sister program. Through this program he has been paired with a young man, a good-natured chemistry major here at the local university. THe program has an extensive background check system and coincidentally this student's main advisor and boss is a good friend of mine. Small town, I guess...

They hang out together once a week for a few hours and do brother stuff. He likes that. He's going to teach his big brother how to unicycle. So far they have done chemistry experiments with a kids chem set, ice skated, played catch and soccer together. Hopefully the volunteer will stick with it because it has a been a good experience for the little guy.

Fortunatley, he also has surrogate grand parents all along the street to teach him about gardening and cats (we are mostly a dog family).

I do my best provide him an environment in which he feels a sense of belonging and love even if the rest of our family is a thousand miles away.

About the money, he has only had to pay me pennies on the dollar for the ingredients for his food. He's not paying for services...

His room is almost clean and he's been mannerly, respectful, and pleasant, so this will be over soon.

[uni57]

I think Bear is lucky to have such a great mom. And what you are doing will teach him valuable lessons and perspective. This can't be entirely easy for you, either.

However...

May I play devil's advocate for a moment?

You are not entitled to anyone's appreciation. You chose this role of motherhood and all that goes with it. You can't dictate emotion. Love me and appreciate me... or else. This sounds a bit like the Christian God, doesn't it?

Bear has not exercised choice in his life -- not in any significant way. He has not chosen where to live, who his parents are, which school to go to, whether or not to go to school, whether to have a job, or anything else. You have exercised nothing but choice, which has brought you to where you are today.

Do you appreciate Bear for going to school every day? Or for doing any chores that he does? Or for the time he spends with you? That is his role in life. Is going to school simply expected and therefore not appreciated? Yes. That's his role. Just like yours is motherhood. You are doing your job, just like he is. Didn't you know that parenthood would at times be a thankless job? Or that reward is sometimes postponed or indirect? Also, I don't buy the idea that anything beyond the minimum is to be appreciated any more than anything else. What is the minimum? Why do more than the "minimum"? You do it out of love and because that's the kind of person you are. In other words, that so-called "minimum" doesn't exist for you. It's not real.

And now I'll overstep my bounds for a moment, with apologies. I'm not a parent, so this is just my uninformed opinion. Mutual respect and appreciation can be taught though example. Do you show appreciation and thanks for the little things Bear does? "Thank you for __________. That was very thoughtful of you!" It can be for little things, like him stirring the cookie dough or bringing you something or telling you something interesting he learned in school. I bet you do show your appreciation, but do yo do it enough? I have no right to be critical and I'm not being so. I'm just bringing up the idea.

I have had enough of a Mother's burden with no gratitude or appreciation in response.Clearly, as a mother, you have EVERYONE'S respect here, including mine. So, I suspect that your opening post is not accurately reflecting the nature of how you feel. While it may bother you to feel unappreciated, the real issue is that Bear is not being the exemplary person you know he can be. You are doing this mostly for him, not for yourself. There should be no confusion about your motives in YOUR mind (how you present this to Bear is another matter). And far from stepping away from the duties of parenthood, you are currently exercising them to the fullest. You are teaching not only social graces, but self-reliance. And as I said earlier, this can't be entirely easy on you.

If done for purely selfish reasons, what you are doing is wrong, even if it does teach a lesson. If done primarily for Bear, which I know it is, then this is a beautiful thing. And if you still think this is about you, then look deeper.

And now with great trepidation, I press the Submit button. I hope this post is not taken the wrong way and that something here is thought-provoking in a meaningful way...

[frogger]

I cook. I do my laundry and my moms. And I say I love you mom and dad.But I do not like it but I do it.

[Unibugg]

While it may bother you to feel unappreciated, the real issue is that Bear is not being the exemplary person you know he can be. You are doing this mostly for him, not for yourself. There should be no confusion about your motives in YOUR mind (how you present this to Bear is another matter).

I agreed with some of your points but not all. This part however really hit the mark. Clearly this if this is the motive of a strike and is understood as such the strike has a lot more power to succeed. And though it may be hard, sticking it out clearly will bring long term rewards for all. Who said parenting was easy? :)

[skianduniaddict]

have him carry the laundry up and down the stairs and you can actually do it

[frogger]

have him carry the laundry up and down the stairs and you can actually do it
I like that!

[skianduniaddict]

take away his uni:eek:

[skianduniaddict]

I like that!
ya thats what i do

[podzol]

from UNI57:
You are not entitled to anyone's appreciation. You chose this role of motherhood and all that goes with it. You can't dictate emotion. Love me and appreciate me... or else. This sounds a bit like the Christian God, doesn't it?

Bear has not exercised choice in his life -- not in any significant way. He has not chosen where to live, who his parents are, which school to go to, whether or not to go to school, whether to have a job, or anything else. You have exercised nothing but choice, which has brought you to where you are today.

Do you appreciate Bear for going to school every day? Or for doing any chores that he does? Or for the time he spends with you? That is his role in life.

My comments in Blue:
Yes, and I do thank him for doing his best at these things when he effectively applies himself.

Is going to school simply expected and therefore not appreciated? Yes. That's his role. Just like yours is motherhood.

I think the world would be better if we both understand others' roles and appreciate an effective job. This exercise can teach Bear what my roles are so that it is possible to develop a sense of appreciation.

You are doing your job, just like he is. Didn't you know that parenthood would at times be a thankless job? Or that reward is sometimes postponed or indirect? Also, I don't buy the idea that anything beyond the minimum is to be appreciated any more than anything else. What is the minimum? Why do more than the "minimum"? You do it out of love and because that's the kind of person you are. In other words, that so-called "minimum" doesn't exist for you. It's not real.

I used the word minimum as a figure of speech. I could have chosen more carefully.

And now I'll overstep my bounds for a moment, with apologies. I'm not a parent, so this is just my uninformed opinion. Mutual respect and appreciation can be taught though example. Do you show appreciation and thanks for the little things Bear does? "Thank you for __________. That was very thoughtful of you!"

I certainly do this frequently in language he can understand.

About who this is all for, I suppose it is for Bear and to help the household function properly after it has passed. I have had people tell be procreating is the most selfish act, we are human and not even saints are utterly selfless all the time. We do the best with what we have, especially when it is recognised that we are trying hard.


Where's a thread killer when you need one?

[uni57]

Who said parenting was easy? :)Not me. I'm not a parent, but I do have tremendous respect for the good parents out there. You are molding a life. The responsibility is unfathomable. It's the most important and probably the most difficult job on the planet. Each parenting situation is unique. There isn't always a clear right or wrong or what should I do in this situation. You often have to improvise and deal with unexpected situations. Sometimes you have to be stern when you really just want to give a hug. You can't take a course, study, and expect to be fully prepared for the job. You just have to let your inner beauty guide you every day. I don't have a better word for that. If you are a good person deep down, those good qualities will manifest themselves as good parenting. I've seen examples of good parents and examples of what I consider "not-so-good" parents (mine were good). I think the correlation between being a good person and being a good parent holds.

Everyone can inspire and uplift and show the way and set a good example. Parents are uniquely positioned to do so more than anyone else. Those who wield this power well have my infinite respect.


(I'm going to shut up now, because as a non-parent, I'm out of my element. I'll be in the germ thread if you need me.)

[tomblackwood]

Where's a thread killer when you need one?
There's one right here (http://www.unicyclist.com/forums/showpost.php?p=621101&postcount=1194). :)

Oh wait, I forgot that one didn't quite work. But since we're on the subject, may I suggest you two share a Fluffernutter once things are back on track? Nothing bonds a parent and child quite like a nice unicycle ride together with a Fluffernutter lunch stop. Don't forget the banana on the side...

Interesting thread with all the differing opinions, devilish advocacy, etc. I'll say only you have my tremendous respect as a parent and a person.

[BillyTheMountain]

His room is almost clean and he's been mannerly, respectful, and pleasant, so this will be over soon.

I hope it's over!

a strike is a method of last resort, in a relationship that is about power. The most powerful one wins.

But a parent child relationship should not be about power, and if someone wins, no one wins.

You don't truly need to strike. Most kids get the message when mom screams crazy once in a while.



:D

Best wishes!