podzol
2006-06-06, 08:52 PM
10 Reasons Why Unicycling is Wrong
1) Unicycling is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, homosexuality and air conditioning.
2) Unicycling will encourage people to be unicyclists, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Unicycling will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
4) Bicycling has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; kids start on training wheels, Roadies still can't marry mountain bikers, and riding on sidewalks is still illegal.
5) Bicycling would be less meaningful if unicycling was accepted; appreciation of the sheer skill of GW's handling of a segue would be diminished.
6) Bicycling is valid because it requires less dedication to learn to ride than unicycle. Unicyclists, jugglers, and old people shouldn't be allowed because they are not practical efficient endeavors that make more time for normal activities like listening to Rush Limbaugh and bicycling.
7) Obviously Unicycling parents will raise unicycling children, since bicycling parents only raise bicycling children.
8) Unicycling is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without exclusively bicycling roles model at home. That's why we as a society should expressly forbid unicycling parents to raise children.
10) Mainstreaming of unicycles will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to juggle on unicycles or ride them long distances for good causes.
(one of the saddest parts about our society is that, these arguments, before the humourous common sense, are the real reasons why people can't accept unicycling.)
1) Unicycling is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, homosexuality and air conditioning.
2) Unicycling will encourage people to be unicyclists, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Unicycling will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
4) Bicycling has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; kids start on training wheels, Roadies still can't marry mountain bikers, and riding on sidewalks is still illegal.
5) Bicycling would be less meaningful if unicycling was accepted; appreciation of the sheer skill of GW's handling of a segue would be diminished.
6) Bicycling is valid because it requires less dedication to learn to ride than unicycle. Unicyclists, jugglers, and old people shouldn't be allowed because they are not practical efficient endeavors that make more time for normal activities like listening to Rush Limbaugh and bicycling.
7) Obviously Unicycling parents will raise unicycling children, since bicycling parents only raise bicycling children.
8) Unicycling is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without exclusively bicycling roles model at home. That's why we as a society should expressly forbid unicycling parents to raise children.
10) Mainstreaming of unicycles will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to juggle on unicycles or ride them long distances for good causes.
(one of the saddest parts about our society is that, these arguments, before the humourous common sense, are the real reasons why people can't accept unicycling.)